Final posting

On December 30th at 9 am the funeral for Aleisha was held. It was one of the most beautiful funerals I had ever witnessed. Buddy made sure that everything she had wanted for her funeral was complete. The beautiful white casket with light pink lining and the bronze handles were gorgeous. The flowers ontop were the red roses she loved. Photos and a video were stories of her life, traveling with Buddy and the births of their 2 sons. She looked beautiful and peaceful and finally at rest. Even though everything was as perfect as one could make it, it just did not seem right that this young, beautiful, love for life woman had passed. It did not feel real. So many wonderful friends (thank you to everyone) visited and offered condolences. The mass at St. Mary's was heartwarming. It was exactly what Aleisha would have wanted. The priest gave a wonderful sermon and although during the mass you hear what is being said, it did not feel real. The cold wind at the cemetery was ruthless. As the priest gave the blessing you just continued to go through the motions. You knew this was it, but why do you feel so empty and lost. Buddy finished the day and held his head high. You could see the sharp pain in his eyes and knew that his body was processing what needed to be done, but his heart was broken. Afterward the group gathered at the church rec room for lunch. It was great to have the support and Buddy brought the boys to see everyone. It was amazing that our entire family was together,after so many years of being apart it took the illness and death of our baby sister, Buddy's wife,to bring us together? Aleisha had done so much in her life she had never known. She was not only a mom, sister, daughter, aunt and friend, but a healer to others, the one that would reconnect the lost family...we will always love her and never forget her. Her battle was long and hard. She did not want to go, but as we all know that is not our choice. She was chosen and as we see her loss and grieve, we must remember that we will see her again. But for now, we must really try to remember how she would want us to live and to treat others and teach her sons. We must remember to be there for Buddy and we need to always be there as family. That is what Aleisha would have wanted and that is what she would have done if it were us. God Bless her....she is in our hearts and memories forever...

the war is finally over....onward to peace...

About an hour ago a brave and beautiful woman who had fought for over 5 years to beat the beast of Malignant Melanoma finally found her peace. With her husband and family at her side she took her last breath. The long hard fought battle was over and she will now find eternal life and peace with the Lord. She will be united with many lost family members, one of whom is her dad that she lost at age 16. She will truly be missed by so many and the memories we will hold in our hearts forever..

I cannot get that last visit at the James out of my head..it was so late when she finally got out of the doctor's office. The hospital halls were almost empty. We took that long walk together to the door where Buddy would meet us with the car. We interlocked our arms to walk together and she asked me if I would be there for her...at her nursing home when she got old to help her walk...My response was yes and I told her we could laugh together as we would help each other or chase each other with our walkers. We laughed together that night. But I knew in the back of my mind that the visit then was questioning the cancer...the thought at that visit was, had it spread to the spinal fluid.....later to find out it had.

It was a little over a month ago that she attended her son Will's 4th birthday. She was edematous from the steroids, but able to walk with minimal assist. Then on our last family Christmas gathering at mom's....December 11th we were all informed by her that the cancer had truly spread. She broke as she told us...knowing her we all responded with nothing but positive reinforcement...we all believed that she would fight until her last breath and that she did.....sometimes I was tough on her, but
with the diagnosis I could not allow her to get weak. I am sure as great as Buddy is he had many emotional moments with her. I know my mom and sister did. But I could not break....it is always never to allow yourself to be weakended by this beast.

There have been so many that have been so wonderful....meals have been brought to their home, coworkers of Buddy's donated time for him to be with her, babysitters, friends, Buddy's family. fireman, neighbors, even people that don't know them.....I am so glad they were their for them...that is a Godsend. On our side, I am glad I was with her during her surgeries, getting her into doctors, office visits, thanking my husband and daughters for their support, My sister Tammy and her family who is now a great addition back to the family and my brother and sister in law who was there every single day and most nights....They have
been there and been strong. My mom has struggled with this, losing a daughter has to be so very very hard....her prayers have been constant and I know when she was with Aleisha it made her feel safe and blessed.....

We now pray for her everlasting peace...I pray Buddy finds strength and her children grow up to know their mom through all the stories we share with them. They are so small now and have no idea of what their wonderful mom has suffered and I sometimes think that is a blessing --in a way......

For now....PLEASE ......pray for others who suffer from this horrific disease and if you have been diagnosed....let Aleisha set an example as a trooper....come back to this blog and read....you cannot allow the beast to win....because if you even allow it to make you weak it will overcome you...even if it takes you physiologically...never allow it to take your spirit....God Bless and Thank you all..

where oh where does this strength come from?...

Today is the day after Christmas. We all knew that if she made it through Christmas Eve she would no way give in on Christmas day. Her Morphine IV is now up to 6 mg and she is a complete total care. She no longer responds to anyone with the exception of pain. Today is the Jesus's Birthday and she remains here on earth to be with her family. Her 2 young sons open their gifts from Santa that are around the tree. Family continues to go in and out of the house...like a revolving door. Each person sits with her, watching for any needs she may have. Her temp has been 105 for the past 24 hrs. although the meds seemed to help to get it down to 101 for awhile it doesn't seem like it is going to work any longer. Watching her shut down and waiting is so hard.

On top of everything else, most of the hospice nurses seem to be gentle and caring. It is the few that have come that have been short and hesitant to make the calls for the increased Morphine and whatever else is needed. WHY!???? Give the woman the dignity and the family the respect to maintain peace and pain free. This is an issue I won't discuss anymore, but won't go unrecognized....

She continues to be so fragile, yet battles onward. She has been moved from the recliner now to a hospital bed in the living room. She will not be moved again. We will pray for her peace. She does not respond to us, but we think she can hear...

So many have stayed and returned and continue to care for her. My brother has only left her side for a few hours. His wife will also leave to go to work, let their dogs out and return. Buddy has been there 24/7 and his family has stayed the nights also and cared for her intensely. I only wish I could be there all the time....as I hours away. But my heart and love is there and strong for her. I only wish for her peace now....the journey to peace. Please continue to pray....

it's Christmas Eve......

Today is Christmas Eve.....It was 2 weeks ago today that we found out that the cancer had spread rapidly in the spinal fluid. The journey has been difficult. Watching her go from a conversationalist to barely being able to talk has taken place. To the entire families' amazement she has fought this long...but that is our Aleisha...always a fighter.....she is barely taking fluids, she remains on the Morphine drip and appear so very fragile and weak. Last night Santa Claus made a surprise appearance at their home. He gently held her weak hand and she smiled as you knew she could hear the children in the background. Buddy had gotten a bottle of champaign to celebrate Christmas (he is awesome..thinks of everything..)and poured her a glass. He spoke to her and told her this was their Christmas toast..she took a small sip and smiled...this woman continues to battle...Im sure it is her wish to be here with her family for as long as she can..Im just wondering if it is to make it to Christmas....whatever the Lord gives her..as long as she is happy and pain free we are thankful.....each day is heartbreaking to see but yet so warming to know she is still with us. In this season of miracles and salvation, we pray that the Lord take this situation and make it as he sees fitting...He does only goodness and
that is what we must continue to see as she remains here on earth with us.
As much as it hurts to see her lying so weak and pale we must remember it is the Lord who makes the decisions...not us. Marry Christmas to all......May God Bless you and keep you safe and Healthy .....

were just running out of time...

we pray for the Angels......She is now on Morphine...she lies at home in her bed. Her wonderful husband and family are with her. Dear Lord, please do not let her suffer. She is scared..she comes and goes...she has fought so hard. We only pray she does not hurt.
Please pray for this wonderful wonderful person..she is our sister, wife, daughter, mother, aunt and friend. Dear Lord ...bless her..

were running out of time..

Im sorry I have not posted but it is getting harder to write the words. Aleisha was doing fairly well last week after leaving the hospital. Although she had gone home with hospice and we knew time was moving closer, it seemed as though when she was awake we could still laugh and cry together. She lost the use of her legs due to rapid weakness and one could see it affecting her upper body. She was on heavy doses of anti seizure medications which made her tire easily. Watching this strong willed fighter struggle through this was heart wretching. Buddy has shown his committment and love to his wife in so many ways throughout this battle. He has undying love for this woman and you can see in her eyes that she loves him in return. Their marraige of more than 20 years has been one of great happiness and many wonderful memories. They are and have always been truly committed to one another. Family continues to visit daily and help out with the chores and the children. Friends send meals so that caregivers and loved ones can stay with her. She has so many that truly love this woman and family. Christmas is only 3 days away and the Lord continues to provide her with strength. Today she suffers from more breathing issues and was placed on 0xygen as well as was started on Roxinal to help relax her. She continues to battle through this horrific fight to survive this monster of a disease. She is a
hero far beyond what she will ever know. She is loved and respected more than most people gain in a longer lifetime and as she continues to battle she weakens but not because she has no will to live, but because she truly cannot beat this beast.

The days continue to get harder..

Aleisha came home from the hospital on Tuesday. The doctors discussed hospice and they made their first visit on Tuesday evening. This was a familiar face as our mom's husband, Bud (our step dad) passed in May and this nurse was one of the great ones. Her name is Sara and she spent time assessing Aleisha and talking with her about how she was feeling. She then took the time to explain to the family and to Buddy how the meds would be arriving and how he wanted to set up the visits for the Nurse and the Aide. Some additional equipment will now be needed in the home as she requires more assistance. There will be no more alone times for her. Someone (probably 2 people when the kids are there) will be with her all the time. Her legs can no longer hold her, she has weakend tremendously. Her hands quiver and the right hand holds most of the strength. I tried to feed her pudding and she let me know that she still wanted to try that herself.....she is one strong willed woman! As her sister my personal goal for her is simple. I want to see healed, but should the Good Lord decide to take her in his arms, I wish for her to be seizure free while she is here, to be able to rest, to feel she is loved, and to hold on to whatever hope she continues to have....with every breath there remains hope...even if we think we are aware of the ultimate outcome we are not there until our breathing stops. That is my hope. Although I think Hospice is great (Im a nurse and I have seen them do awesome things for families) I think that talking about dying isnt for everyone...sometimes that is between a priest or minister and a person or even a person and their spouse. This family is supported by one another and we're all there for her..However she is afraid and to take away that tiny speck of hope isn't what its all about..especially not during the season of miracles. So I refuse to respond to her question of am I dying....my only response is that you are breathing.....as I am...with each breath we have life. The only way that can change is through the Lord. And that is my response.

Im going back home to see her tomorrow. Buddy (Husband) says she is sleeping most of the time now. Im hoping I get to talk with her just for a few minutes, but if not that's ok. This is not about me or anyone else..its about her. So we go and we smile and we rub her hands and legs (she likes that) and we appreciate the fact that we can still see her....and she is still breathing.

The cancer is closing in....

We had made big plans today, to get together and work at Aleisha's house as the chemo was taking quite a toll on her. She has been having episodes of falling and has been using a walker to ambulate for a few weeks. During the last visit to the Oncologist it was noted that the lesion in her brain had grown somewhat and that there was increased swelling noted around the spine. A spinal tap was done and last night Aleisha and Buddy received some bad news. The cancer has spread. It has now invaded the spinal column and the prognosis is extremely poor. In fact, the doctors have discussed the options and have come to the conclusion that they are now out of treatment options. She received her last dose of the Ipe Chemo on Thursday and they will watch, but that medication has not shown to be effective in the spinal area. Therefore little hope has been offered. We have been informed that most of these end stage patients surrender into a coma like state and then pass on.

The work at their home has been put on hold, as living day to day is now the goal. This strong woman has been through a battle that even the toughest would have difficulty fighting and nobody respects her more that I do for the fight she has endured. However it is now time for Hospice to enter the picture and time for us to support this family through the next process of this battle of hell. Everyone deserves dignity and she has shown courage and will throughout all of this. She and her family deserve to be respected with any of their choices as this hell continues to literally take her life. My heart aches for what I see this woman and her family going through. I can only pray that now the good Lord choses to follow and bless her during the rest of this journey. The doctors do not give her much time...not months, just weeks.....but our hope will continue for a miracle until that last breath and even then for peace.

Please Pray

Please pray for Aleisha.

She needs your prayers more than ever right now.

How YOU Can Help

Last week I was watching The Ellen Show and saw Ellen give a car away to a young woman who had been having a difficult time. She had gone through 5 cars in the past 6 months. One after the other was breaking down on her. She had written to Ellen, went to see the show, and ended up playing a game in which she won a car (it was a set up). After seeing that episode I was determined to get my aunt and uncle a new car.

Let's back up a few days prior. My aunt came down to Columbus for her doctors visit at The James (more info on that from my mom soon). Later that night when I was talking to my mom she told me that the engine in their Escape just stopped working. The car is older, but still should have lasted longer. Just another thing to add to their plate! I knew that they needed help, but didn't know where to go. Then that week I saw Ellen. My game face was on! They need Ellen's help. If that healthy young woman can get one, well then so can they!

So, for the past week I have been emailing Ellen DeGeneres every day. No response yet. I really will keep doing this until I hear something back too. Then the other morning I wondered what would happen if others emailed her as well, regarding Aleisha. So I'm asking you to do them a favor...Copy and Paste the note below on Ellen's website. She even has a special part on the site just for those who need a car!

You can click on my links or read these directions:
1. Go to http://ellen.warnerbros.com/
2. Click "Be on the show"
3. Scroll down until you see "Do you know someone who needs a new car?" and click
4. Type in your info (If you don't mind)

5. Add the picture below (mandatory)

6. Copy and Paste this:
Dear Ellen,
I am writing to you in regards of Aleisha Brickner from AleishasAngels.blogspot.com. Aleisha is a 41 year old mother of two young boys. She was diagnosed with malignant melanoma six years ago. Aleisha and her husband drive the two hours from their small town to Columbus, Ohio for treatment and doctors appointments at least once a week. Recently the engine in their Escape stopped working. They have drained their savings on medical bills and babysitters and the last thing they need to worry about this holiday is their car. This car was their family car. While they do have another old car, an Escort is difficult for a family of four to ride around in, especially

when Aleisha is having a difficult time getting in and out of the car.
Please help this family during their time of need this holiday season. Please contact her family at aleishasangels@gmail.com.

Sincerely,

{Your Name}

{right click and save to add picture}

Please let me know if you have any questions!!

THANK YOU!
Brittany

ps. I was really worried about writing Ellen. The last thing I want for them is any kind of media coverage or extra stress. But they need help and if that means going about it this way, then the least we can do is try :)

a rough evening

Last night was rough......Aleisha has been having some gait issues. She is relying on the assistance of others to walk distances. The swelling has increased due to the increased amounts of steroids and she is more fatigued. Her visit was a follow up with the Radiation Oncologist, but he struck a nerve when he mentioned that his concern was the cancer had spread to the spinal fluid....She has had 3 doses of the Epi--this just cannot happen ...she will need a Spinal tap in order to make the diagnosis. Then onto the next appointment..the Oncologist...after a 2 1/2 hr wait with a tired cancer pt, her husband and a 20 month old. What an ordeal! Only to hear that she looks good and Epi doesn't have a history of being effective on cancer once
it is in the spinal fluid. Then more bad news...the measurable indicator of Epi's effectiveness (the new chemo) is the level of one's LDH. The lower, the better. Last check it was in the low 200's and life looked good...today..448..not so good. So not a good night.

After a long night my brother in law took the baby and went to get the car...I took my unsteady sister by the arm and slowly we guided our way down the long hsopital hall ....onward to the front entrance so that she could be retreived by her husband and her now asleep little angel only to drive almost 2 hrs back home. Oh and if that isn't all....their luck has jut not been so great..their less than 4 yr old car blew it's engine 2 days earlier....just another obsticle for this family with a cancer stricken mother to work out...life just doesn't seem to be fair....

on to Epi infusion #3!!

Aleisha has now gotten 2 doses of the new "trial" of Epi infusion for Melanoma. The good news is that her LDH has decreased which has been a pattern with the cancer growth decreasing, we will wait and see. however, she has taken several trips to the ER....She had some episodes after the 2nd infusion of falling and forgetfullness...and a CT/MRI was conclusive that the brain was quite swollen. That is apparently common with the chemo, but a concerning factor was that the small frontal lesion has doubled in size. Although it does appear to still be small, growth is never a good thing. She will get her 3rd infusion next week and follow up with the neurosurgeon and radiation oncologist in early December for either gamma knife to the lesion or surgical removal. So now we again wait. We hope and pray the Epi chemo is working (only one more option--Leukine therapy which requires 30 day inpt stay)..Her oldest son, William, turns 4 years old on November 20th. A big Sponge Bob Birthday Party is planned! It will be a wonderful day for this fighting mom...to see her son turn 4. Baby Zach will be 2 in March...so we keep plugging along. Looking forward to the holidays this year with the family together. She is still having issues with swelling, GI, and infections but continues to fight. She is a trooper and a hero. Please continue your prayers because the season of miracles is upon us (everyday is a day for miracles...we must remember that) and we continue to be grateful for each and every day.

we got it done!

Thursday Aleisha was released from OSU-FINALLY! after jumping through hoops she finally got the clearance to go to Grant (thank you For postponing her time twice!!)
and get the Epi Infusion (Study Drug)....With the IV steroids she improved with the eye deviation and the confusion. Repeat scans showed another lesion in the brain. However after much discussion it was decided to continue with the administration of the Chemo and plan on another Gamma knife to destroy the lesion in the brain. Unsure at this time if that lesion is the cause of the symptoms that lead to this admission, but ruling out anything else it appears to be. There are still many new lesions behind the stomach and a few in the spine. Our hope is that this new chemo regimen will help to stall or eliminate their growth. Although we are aware there is no "Cure" for Melanoma we are looking for time and will never rule out hope. Faith continues to give us hope and with that we continue to look for opportunities that may help destroy or hamper this disease.

Aleisha is still fighting. She sleeps alot, she has fatigue when she is awake. Her IBS has given her some more problems (back to the dr again for more options) but she still fights.

Another Setback--not good

Over the past week Aleisha has been experiencing bouts of confusion that come and go. Although she appears to come out of it a trip to the ER came up with little results. Last night that was not the issue. She did not apprear to be "with it" and it was noted that her eyes were deviated to the side...again her husband took her to the ED. This time the symptoms did not subside...She was transferred overnight to OSU Medical Center...Arthur James Hospital. Our hope is for some answers..some good answers...some hope.....It was planned that she would start the new testing/study drug we refer to as EPI on Thursday..that was our hope..now only prayers that whatever she has to encounter ...she can do quickly so we can get her the medicine.
This young mom continues to have setback after setback..This camily cannot get a break .....her husband is made of steel on the outside and is an Angel on the inside..Love is amazing...We can only hope and pray that the Lord Blesses her through another event......

The not so good and then there may be some hope!

This past Tuesday was somewhat of a let down after seeing the surgeon. The melanoma lesions in the back are directly behind the aorta which makes them inoperable. Therefore the trip to the Oncologist to discuss the new chemo, Ipilimumab, which is still considered a study drug was on Thursday. That was successful. Next week she is to follow up with scans and a flu shot and the following week she starts one of the 4 infusions (each lasts approx 1 hr) of the new chemo regiemen. That will follow with 3 others over a 3 month period. So we proceed as follows and pray that her strength and God's will halt the growth or eliminate the cancer. Hope and faith are an intricate part of this. It is faith that what comes next will occur with strength for all to handle. Her courage and determination is so strong. However, this beast continues to recur and she is also having issues with IBS which is causing her to get little sleep. She suffers daily with severe abdominal pain. Now that it has finally been diagnosed, we are looking forward to her treatment regimen to include some relief for the pain that is associated with that. We continue to hope for the best. Please keep up the prayers..they can truly move mountains and produce miracles!!

for the good news! update..

Aleisha had a colonoscopy on Friday..with as good as an outcome as we could hope.. there is no sign of cancer in the colon..what does this mean??She can receive the testing drug (chemo) that was introduced this year....although not FDA approved..a study drug ...has proved to be 25% effective.

So another trip later this week to the James Cancer Clinic to discuss starting the drug. Even though the cancer has spread....this is good news....still time to battle this horrific cancer.....onward this courageous woman will go.

Little bad news....we were turned down for a special wish...It is sad..I know that they provide so much for children, which is a blessing....just thought maybe they could give this family a time to remember.....

Wishing the news was better...

Almost a month....almost...trying to stay away from the doctor's office...doesn't seem to work...abdominal pain that started about a year ago, got better..then worse....so bad now that sometimes it appears to be unbearable. So back to the doctor...saw the Oncologist last Friday and it was suggested that an abdominal scan be repeated. Unfortunately, that has lead to some more undesireable news...the cancer again has spread. Multiple lesions have been found in the back near the spine as well as in her groin area. Is this the reason for the abdominal pain--still unsure...she will ned to follow up with a colonoscopy asap to make sure the cancer has not spread to the colon. If not---the chance to try the new drug on the market--although not FDA approved it has a success rate of 25%...which are more odds than attempting nothing....or there is the Leukine therapy which requires intensive chemo with isolation in the hospital.....the monster is a bastard that continues to stalk and spread...the battle for this young mother will continue and knowing her determination she is not going down without a fight. She is a courageous and strong woman with a will beyond most. She has an intense faith and knows the Lord will carry her through this ...she is truly one determined angel. Please keep up the prayers...they lift her spirit and provide everyone with great strength...

Life goes on!

Its been awhile since the last posting....so sorry....Aleisha is doing well...still unable to drive and still having some post surgical delays (due to the surgery being in her cranium) but she is improving. The post scan showed that the dead tumor was removed with the blood clot which was excellent news. Post surgical scans are "stable". However, Aleisha has been complaining for almost a year of off and on abdominal pain. The pain returned post operatively so she followed up with her family physician who originaly thought it might be gall bladder, but it was ruled out. So now they are wondering about Irritable Bowel due to so many medications. She continues to take her Chemo one week a month, it takes it's tow on her, but she is truly a remarkable fighter! William will start Preschool again soon and little Zachy is talking and walking. Life is copasetic (not sure how to spell that one) and that is good when you are dealing with this cancer. She still tires very easily and some days just dealing with getting dressed and feeding the boys is more that she can do. During the chemo week she continues to suffer from extreme fatigue, nausea, and some lightheadedness. But she fights onward. She is truly a woman of great strength and courage..we love her soooo much.

updates post surgery!

Surgery went very well (July 7) at OSU. There was a blood clot at the end of one of the brain lesions that was dying from the Gamma knife in Janaury. It was thought that the surgery would take 3 hours but everyone was pleasantly suprised when the surgeon contacted us after an hour with good news. She had been having epidsodes of headaches, forgettfulness and inability to finish a sentence. This was because the clot was blocking off the spinal fluid due to swelling and increased intracranial pressures. When the surgeon made the incision to remove the clot, the pressure was so great the clot emerged with the dead lesion attached. He then removed both quite easily. She did well after, transferred to the SICU for close monitoring and then went home 2 days later. We were all very thrilled with the outcome and hope that this was the reason for all the neuro changes....... She continues to rest and improve at home...rest is the most important at this time which will give the swelling time to decrease the brain a chance to catch up. Thank you all for your prayer and well wishes during this time. It meant a great deal to all of the family. It is hard to say how thankful we all are to those who are with us in this fight. Aleisha is one brave person and she is truly a fighter!

Update

Today Aleisha is going in for a crainiotomy to drain the blood in her brain. Please keep her in your prayers for a safe surgery and recovery.